SPF 1000

SPF 1000

Say what you will about Les, but the man comes prepared.


Bill: Thanks for coming, Les. It looks like you’ve got things covered. I did expect something more… vampiric though.
Les: The experienced wampir is able to incorporate the influence of many cultures.

Les: From the far east, the conical rice hat offers superlative sun protection while preserving a healthy range of vision.

Les: Similarly, I am inspired by the white robes of the Middle Eastern Bedouins, which offer unparalleled reflective ability to defend their wearer against Sol’s harmful rays.

Les: Such knowledge arrives naturally to those who walk this earth for unending eons.
Bill: You were born in 1992.

Posted on March 23, 2011 at 12:00 am in Treading Ground. Follow responses to this post with the comments feed. You can leave a comment.

99 Responses

  1. Nineteen says:

    So Les is 19?

    Shit, why is he younger than me? I expected him to be older!

    • Nick Wright says:

      He’d like you to believe he’s in his 700s.

      • Greenwood Goat says:

        Youngsters. He ought to start himself off at a couple of centuries, then attribute a few more when he’s had time to wear them in. >:=)>

        Of course, if he’d really done his research, he could have adopted a character more in line with Bram Stoker’s original Dracula, able to walk about in daylight with only some discomfort to show for it. I imagine there would be a bad scene if one such character appeared and pointed this out:

        Alucard: Ah, youngkling, avraid to valk in the sun?

        L’estat: Perhaps you could turn into a bat and fly back to Middle Europe, O Lord of the Unfashionable? And take your vampires-are-the-enemy source material with you!

        Alucard: (dramatic laugh) You know Anne Rice was given a boy’s name by her parents?

        L’estat: That is it! You are going down! Hsssssss!

        Edmund “Twilight” Cullyn: Guys! You should calm down. We don’t want to scare the mundanes.

        L’estat: Stay out of this, noob!

        Alucard: Ja! Hyu sink you’re so cool? Vell, you’re not! So zere!

        • PetsinWinter says:

          awesome dialogue

          anyway, what I like about Les is that he seems to be smart and stupid at the same time.

        • Ammyanto says:

          I’m pretty sure he’s just like me – he doesn’t want to get tanned.
          He’s pale, isn’t he? I’m sure he wants to stay that way.

    • Dean says:

      Les is a little bit less pathetic when you realize he’s just a dopey teenager.

    • Guy says:

      I just they just wanted him to be over 18?

  2. One Manic Ninja says:


  3. FWATANG says:


  4. ItsJustWerner says:

    I’m older than Les?!

  5. Reptyle says:


  6. Wilkerbeast says:

    In some cultures, 1992 was eons ago

    • Lycandis says:

      Namely, the Online culture (not to be confuse with yogurt which has more culture than those online…yuk, yuk, yuk!)

  7. Holy shit, I expected him to be like 30 or something. Mostly the beard though.

    • Nico says:

      I’m 19, and I’ve got the Grizzly Adams thing goin’ on already.

      • Nick Wright says:

        A friend of mine had a full beard at 15. It was bizarre.

        • Yeah, some kids at school needed to start shaving daily at 15. I still can get away with only every two or three days.

          • Nick Wright says:

            I had a good goatee at 19, but couldn’t grow a decent moustache until 23. And then I found it wasn’t worth the wait. I had a real Eurotrash thing going, and not in a good way.

            • Kramegame says:

              I’m 19. I can grow a neck covering….hardly call it a beard, but more than stubble. I get a “dirty lip” where the hair grows about 1/2 inch, but is too few and far between. I would need to shave every 2 days to stay “clean”, otherwise i shave about bi-weekly or whenever I feel like it.

          • Lokitsu says:

            A kid I knew in HS had a decent beard at 16.
            And male pattern baldness by 20, poor bastard.

            • Neil says:

              Come to think of it, I grew my beard at 19…

              There have been references to Les being just out of high school before now, haven’t there?

          • Oberon says:

            Um, I’m… well… old. My Van Dyke is pure white. And I can skip a day without it showing at all. My usual routine is to shave with a razor on Monday, then use the electric (which really sucks at a good close shave) Tue-Fri.

  8. Such knowledge arrives to those who read a fricking book occasionally.

  9. Minty says:

    I loled at the last panel.

  10. Sara E. says:

    I thought Les was in his early to mid twenties. Hmm.

  11. The Negro Guy says:

    …The Negro Guy says dork.

  12. Rox says:

    Good fun you bring, Nick! Kudos to your story!

    Side note… a young, naive vampire is bound to make mistakes. I’ve counted several myself. But he’s a growing immortal…give the boy some credit.

  13. Darrell says:

    Vam-fail. The white robes would aid Sol’s harmful rays by reflecting them upwards underneath the protective barrier that is the Raiden Hat.

    • Kramegame says:

      except that the “Raiden Hat” would cast a shadow on the parts that would reflect upwards. so it works.

      • DaveBob says:

        Except it wouldn’t work. Any clothing that the prat would be able to see with light shining on it would be reflecting said sunlight. That’s not even getting into the light being reflected onto him by everything else around him, therefore rendering the hat pretty pointless with the acception of direct sun light.

        • Darrell says:

          The hat only protects against direct rays from the sun; the beach, the robe, the water, etc. all reflect sunlight and as such, would be completely useless against those rays.

          If the hat worked as you describe, then his face would be completely blacked out. We can’t actually ‘see’ any object in existence, we can only see the light that is reflected off an object. If, as Les seems to think, the hat truly protected his face from the suns rays, then we would be unable to see his face at all. No reflected light = no vision. So the fact that we can see his face, and so can everyone else, means that the suns rays are still reaching his skin.

          So, like I misspelled before Vamp-fail.

          However, if you apply the Blade mythology of Vampires being harmed by the UV rays, then all Les needs to do to protect himself is have a bubble formed of glass. Glass naturally blocks all UV rays, so he would be protected from the Sun if he were surrounded by glass.

          On a side note, if sunglasses ever advertise that they ‘Offer 100% UV protection’ don’t buy them; they’re using the natural protective qualities of glass to mark up the price of the glasses.

          • Oberon says:

            “So the fact that we can see his face, and so can everyone else, means that the suns rays are still reaching his skin.”

            Yes and no. With the hat, the direct rays of the sun are not reaching his face at all. The reason you can see his face is due to reflected/refracted light from the surroundings. This is indirect and is much less capable of tanning/burning you. But as anyone who has been sunburned while snow skiing, _enough_ reflected light and you still turn pink or red. Add the very dry air to the general abuse, and your skin is peeling off in no time. Luckily this is typically restricted to the nose, what with all the cold weather gear.

            • Darrell says:

              Well, I assumed anyone reading my post would understand that I meant some form of the Sun’s rays are hitting his skin. Since a Vampires flesh is far more sensitive to the Sun than any human being in existence, even reflected light would hurt him. But as the saying goes, “When you assume, you make an ass of you and me”. I couldn’t say “You know how the saying goes..” because that would be assuming again.

          • Kramegame says:

            Except he would need ventilation, and since most human sized glass domes are one solid piece, he would probably die from the increased heat. Besides if your theory was correct, then every vampire that ever existed would be dead the instant they rose from the dead or left their coffins, night or day because there is always sunlight reflecting off of something. If it not objects on the ground, it would be the moon at night, because the moon provides enough reflected light to see. Besides, have you ever seen a movie where the Vampire die from anything less than direct sunlight?

            Also according to Blade mythology, the original vampires could walk around in broad daylight. However as time passed and they began to “evolve” they lost that ability for some reason. Which would be ridiculous.

            • Darrell says:

              I believe Vampires don’t actually ‘need’ to breathe, so ventilation wouldn’t be a big problem.

              Depending on which mythos you believe, I don’t think the sunlight reflecting off the moon would be a very big problem. The UV rays reflected from the moon are mostly absorbed on the surface of the earth, then absorbed even more in the atmosphere, and then on the surface. Even direct ‘moon rays’ don’t have very many UV rays so I’m guessing they have enough tolerance that it doesn’t effect them. In the Blade mythos anyway.

              In regular, or normal vampire mythology, there is something about the Sun itself, and it’s ability to scatter the darkness, push it back into the hellish pits of whence it came, that is agony to the Vampires. I would imagine that sunlight reflected off the surface in the daytime is still powerful enough to hurt a Vampire (For proof, in most Vampire movies if someone even opens a door or window during the day, they hiss and cower in seeming pain or fear) but Sunlight reflected off the moon, and then to the Earth is not. Especially since the Moon is often a symbol of the coming Darkness, and of hope. For the Vampires, beings that are tormented with the absence of their souls, there is hope that their cursed existence upon this world can end.

              • Kramegame says:

                So then lets just agree that it would require a certain quantity of sunlight to kill a vampire, and that while they maybe exposed to some sun, it would still take a decent amount to get them to “burst into flames” so to speak. While I agree with you on the cowering in fear part, I feel that is generally younger vampires that just turned, or have only been around for a few decades. Most of the older/ wiser vampires I have seen are often smart enough to be back in their lair before dawn is even a thought, and only get defeated by day when they are distracted long enough by their opponents.

                Also, if they are so tormented by their lack of souls, then why not just end their own existence by walking outside during the day? Truly soulless beings have no fear, have no instincts, have no reason to hope for they have no dreams. They simply exist, and do what is willed for them to do. Vampires fear the sun and in doing so fear death and hope to continue their existence. Which of course means they have a soul, and therefore your argument is contradicting and invalid.

                However, who is to say either of us are correct? Who can tell us what a vampire is capable of other than vampires themselves? We talk as if these are truths, when they’re just perceptions of our own nightmares.

    • SnideWizard says:

      And bounce off what, the inside of the Raiden Hat?

      I don’t think it would be enough for him to have to worry about secondhand bursting into flames.

  14. Rob Lopez says:

    Yes! Eastern Vampires are known as Kuei-jin. >D At least, according to the Vampire: The Masquerade RPG supplement Kindred of the East. >D

  15. Kramegame says:

    knowing Les is 19 completely changes his character. I even hear his voice differently now. XD

  16. Firefox3 says:

    I figured Les was in his 20’s, but since he is 19, I wonder why he still thinks he is a vampire. I wonder if he will think he is a vampire even in his 20’s.

    Also, I think that is probably the first conversation between Les and the store director as well. But I wonder, was Les this way as a kid?

  17. Val Kilmer Batman says:

    Is it supposed to say Wampir?

  18. Manny Mo says:

    Wow, I honestly can’t believe we’re the same age. though, the style of his general goofbally-ness( non-vamp-goofbally-ness) reminds me of me and my friends. Good to see wacky Les, can I hope to see some shenanigans involving him and Miranda, and/or uncle cheuy? Plus shenanigans with Nate and Jimi?

  19. Archelis says:

    I was half expecting a sunscreen covered les like in blade or perhaps a giant pink umbrella. it would need to be pink since he would have borrowed it.

  20. Hail to The King says:

    I don’t know either to laugh at Les for looking like a gay Kung Lao or cry because I technically in the same age group as him and what that says about my generation

    • Hail to The King says:

      Amendment: I glad no one has to see Les or Purvous in a banana hammock because there’s certain things man was not meant to know and that image is one of them

  21. Shirokiba says:

    Wow…. I’m 5 years older then Les…. did not see that coming.

  22. ThatGuy says:

    Incidentally regarding the title of the comic – I believe I read somewhere that if you wanna achieve sunprotection the equivalent of SPF 1000 a pair of a jeans takes care of that :) as for your upper body well.. Jeansfabric-bodysuit? :p

  23. Grizz says:

    My nickname in high school was Grizz or Grizzly, and I went to a military school that made it necessary I shave multiple times a day. Having that much hair that young is actually a pain in the butt, and girls did not find it cool, so there was no evolutionary advantage I could see!

  24. Aetharion says:

    The same year the Bram Stoker’s Dracula was released.


    • MeestaShane says:

      I still can’t believe that back then I paid money to see that in the theatre, AND thought it was good. Of course, I can believe the dozens of times I’ve seen it since then, as it is fantastic camp.

  25. Ginger says:

    So, Les, what did vampires do before the invention of Wikipedia?

  26. Molozonide says:

    1992!? He’s 19!? I’m 19. :o

  27. SAL3000 says:

    pretty sure you gotta be a legal adult to change your name, which les did. makes his current age a bit flaky. you just got lawyered.

    i was thinking he was much older too, woulda been way more awesome.

  28. The Vampire Guy says:

    Of course you mortals could never understand vampire math. 19 is about 852 in vampire years.

    • Kramegame says:

      Since we know that Les began his existence in the year 1992, his existence is 19 “mortal” years old. You are also suggesting that for every mortal year that passes Les ages roughly 44 years. According to my local vampire, the average vampire lives roughly 2000 “vampire years”. If what you say is correct (he never explained the ratio between vampire and mortal years) then the average vampire doesn’t last more than 44 mortal years. kinda dismal since the average life span of us “mortals” is twice that.

      • Darrell says:

        Les doesn’t live as long as normal Vampires because he goes home, covers himself in blood, screams, “I AM REBORN,” and masturbates until he passes out.

        If I knew how to link stuff, I’d do it, but I’m just pasting it in here, hoping it will link: http://www.treadingground.com/?p=893

        • Kramegame says:

          If The Vampire Guy wanted to say Vampires live longer than human he would have said one mortal year is the equivalent of 1/44 of a vampire year, which would mean that if Les was 19 in Vampire years, he would be 852 in mortal years. However, since its clearly stated here:
          that he was born in 1992, information that would be confirmed by his birth certificate, social security number, and schooling all provided to Bill upon receiving the application, he would be 19 in mortal years, which means The Vampire Guy doesn’t know what he is talking about. I was just trying to be sarcastic.

  29. Quicksilver_502 says:

    damn, he’s my age. the hilarious thing is actualy know someone who is just like les-he’s got this whole vampire thing going on. Coincidence?

  30. Codettea says:

    wow….. Les is a year younger than me…….. wow……..

  31. Darrell says:

    So what does everyone think Les is actually going to die from? I’m putting money on GonaherpesyphlAIDS. I figure he’s going to hit up meth heads for blood and end up catching every STD there is. He’ll be one very unhappy ‘wampire’.

  32. CovenantDante says:

    Funny enough the title “SPF 1000” is a band name, check them out. They’re a pretty decent band

  33. Tech says:

    Les will not tan. And you can’t make him.

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